Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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