this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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