my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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