In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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