hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
