It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
