you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
