I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
