My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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