Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
