Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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