got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
