I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
