If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
