somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Buhtt sex?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The power of my boobs compel you
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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