Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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