I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
