Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
