Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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