meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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