She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
