never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
