in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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