I'm gonna have a badass scar
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
