babies were throwing up all over the place
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
