Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
