Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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