nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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