i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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