I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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