Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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