These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
