so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
