i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
