We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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