My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
