I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
