Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
