I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
