I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
