I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
