When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
