So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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