a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
