Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
