with your own penis?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
