I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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