apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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