Yo dont text me then not text me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
