i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
