it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
