I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
