The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
