so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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