ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
