YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
